Sunday, August 21, 2005

The cost of idolatry

Over the past few months, culminating last night, God has shown me the cost of idolatry.

I've been involved in a project fuelled with passion, something completely absorbing. One of those things that get you real excited... keep you up at night thinking... make you feel that this is what you were born to do.

In other words, an idol.

I didn't realise this until it all fell apart. And in the heart-searching process in the midst of the fallout, I realised that idolatry feels good. Otherwise we wouldn't build idols, because we humans do what feels good.

As with many profound things, it sounds so amazingly simple in the light of day, but it's another thing to go through a disintegrative kind of experience to find out. A sort of mini-meltdown.

So, last night at church, God made me aware of what I'd been doing - not putting Him first. Not in an accusing, condemning way. But very definitely.

He deserves first place in absolutely every area of my life. And anything less than that is ... idolatry.

I also realised there is nothing casual about my relationship with God. Yes, He is the only One with whom I can be completely myself, yes, I am like a helpless child in His strong arms. But effort is required on my part to take what He gives me and live it out in this world, this creation that goes contrary to His way. The present world darkness that "kicks against the goads".

I'm back on the dentist's chair, realising that even though this world sounds very moral, sensible and impartial, we are either in rebellion against God, or not.

I'm on His side again.


Borscht said...

That's perhaps one way to look at it. I can empathise for the need to seek out a Framework for explaining the apparent Vice which was this erstwhile Blessed Film Project.

There was nothing intervening in the transatlantic pipeline between you and your Apparent Healer. It was intact and remains so for all-time, regardless what endeavour you enter into.

The process fizzled for reasons very much akin to the real-life spirituality of giving birth to a homo sapien -- for when the body is impregnated with something Satanic and Ill -- it expunges the foresaken fetus -- abortion -- or, shall I term it infanticide, for lack of a more suitable spiritual metaphor.

I know you're in a Calmer Space -- ommmmmmm. When your Colleague in Crusading Arms from a certain American state tells me you're 'relieved' to be free of the Passsion Project -- when in your Quieter Moments you reflect upon the so-called 'untrustworthy leadership' of a one-time Nonbeliever who now Believes, Praise the -- well you know what I really mean to tell me: I wish I could go with you -- but I couldn't make you into one of us fast enough. For that reason, I've chosen to entirely destroy you, what you stand for as a human being, and what you've devoted yourself to for nearly six years of your life. I'm going to take the this 2000 year-old canard and smash you to bits against the blessed rocks of the Haifa shoreline.

I am nothing against the forces of your Spiritual Rectitude. Especially when I'm going head to head against three or more of these. I won't name names, as is my custom.

Beware to tell the truth about how you really feel, or, god, people will think you're a fundementalist.

Tell me that you're not interested in continuing because, you don't think you can do it...when what you really mean is that you can't exert your Ways with me.

Borscht said...

I read this for the second time.

Bravo. You're reaffirming your Faith in the Nazarene. I'm mighty prouda ya.

You were never away from him. I should've couched it in more Fundamentalist terms -- maybe then the Cahoots between you and the Oregonian might've been less pernicious?

What the heck do I know...? I'm just a retread, like the rest of the people who don't subscribe to your Revivialist notions of propriety.

Like I said bro, we can all be Passive-Aggressives like you if pushed...

Simon said...

All very interesting. I'm making my response to this into a new post.